Dear Treagan...

(I am way too exhausted to update any pictures for now.  So probably for anybody but Treagan, this post will be boring.  But I am starting a tradition to write each of my kids a letter on their Bday.  So that's all this is.  For him.  For later.  He can't read yet.  Duh.)

Dear Son,


Happy 1st Birthday my sweet Tay Tay.  This letter is going to be your first of many letters on your Bday.  I want to write you a letter each year to remind you how much I love you, and to also tell you about some of the many things you did to make me proud.  


I haven't been able to stop thinking about what was happening exactly a year ago today.  I woke up and got ready.  I was taking my time because we had a scheduled C-section.  I didn't sleep much that night.  I couldn't stop thinking about how my life was going to change the next morning.  I couldn't stop wondering who you were going to be and what you could possibly look like.  I was nervous.  I was excited.  So many crazy feelings!  And then at 10:01 on August 2, 2011 you made your debut.  I was a wreck.  I was shaking and crying and praying the entire time they operated on me.  Suddenly I heard daddy say you were out, but I didn't hear a thing.  I kept waiting for that sweet little newborn cry to let me know everything was okay.  I could hear doctors talking and working to get you to breathe.  After some suctioning and stimulation you finally belted out your scream, and that's just how you are. . . You're always keeping me on my toes.


I wouldn't have it any other way.  You make me laugh every single day.  You make me love every single day.  It was you, after all, that made me a mommy.  And that is by far, the greatest gift God has entrusted me with.  


Since that day, we have had 365 days together.  The beginning was such a blur, but you definitely didn't spare us any expense on breaking us in as new parents.  You had a little bit of a rough go in the beginning.  I think your poor little tummy bothered you for at least the first four months of life. . .and you definitely weren't shy about telling me all about it.  I learned a lot those first few months.  


As your Mommy, I've really tried to teach you a few important things, but I'm afraid I am the one learning the most lessons here.  I've tried to teach you to love music, to dance, to clap and wave, to smile and laugh, to be polite, to love Jesus, to play, and have attempted to make you like books.  So far you have caught on to almost everything I've tried with you very quickly, and have proven you are definitely smarter than you look!  You, on the other hand, have taught me much.  You've taught me to be stronger, more patient, more loving, and how to laugh harder than I ever knew possible.  You've taught me to love deeper and to pray harder.  I've learned that I can survive on very minimal sleep (though I don't like to), and you've simply opened my eyes to what our Father in Heaven must feel for each of his children.

My All-American boy, baby genius, class clown, and care- bear- tender- heart baby.  Rambunctious and playful, super smart, absolutely hilarious, and so so sweet all wrapped up in one adorably little package for me to call my own.  For me to love and to teach. . .  To nurture,  to kiss, and to hug all day long.  And nothing has ever brought me more joy.  You have made me love being a mom.  Thank you for that.  You really are a good baby.  We like to tease and joke that you are a crazy baby, that we somehow got the wild version of the Trey we were supposed to get.  But I really wouldn't change a single thing about you.  Your daddy and I have very proudly celebrated each one of your (big and small) milestones and you will never understand the joy you have brought into our lives.  To be a part of your first smile, your first laugh, your first steps, all of it has elated us as new parents.  You've taught us that the highs of parenting are incredibly high and the lows of parenting are heart breakingly low!  Every sickness, every bump and bruise, and every disappointment is just heart wrenching on us.  But the look on your face when you discover these firsts or a new found love is immeasurably exciting.  I earnestly pray that the ups in your life will far out number the lows.  I hope you know though, I want to be there for it all.  The ups, the downs, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will do my best to protect you, but I know that some things are just out of my control. I hate that.  Sometimes you will run too fast and scrape a knee.  You're still going to keep bonking your head as you continue to enjoy your new found freedom of walking.   You are going to try and eat nasty things off the dirty floor.  You are a curious little bugger and it's both a blessing and a curse!  Hopefully these little lessons you are learning will only make you stronger!


I want you to know that I love you Treagan.  I know that when I am exhausted it's easy for me to have a short fuse.  I know I can be overly sensitive and anxious.  I know I worry way more than is healthy.  I will try my hardest to keep all of my mommy flaws from harboring your sweet personality from blossoming.  But no matter what crazy things I do, no matter how many times I tell you no, you better know that I love you.  SO MUCH.  


 Each night before Daddy and I go to bed we stop by your bedside to check on the little stink bug, and then we go to our room to say our prayers and thank our Heavenly Father for blessing us so abundantly.  Then we lay in bed and look at the pictures we had taken of you that day.  It's pretty safe to say we are just a little obsessed with you! 


In just one quick year you have made me smile more than I even knew possible.  You have made me love your daddy more than I knew possible as well.  We will keep on trying to teach you. 


I never thought I'd be the emotional mom that cried at milestones, but here I am leaking salt water all over the place.  These are definitely not tears of regret or sadness, but tears of happiness and joy that I am a mother.  And not just anyone's mother.  YOUR mother.  I feel so overwhelmingly blessed to have this sacred opportunity.   


What a wild and crazy ride it has been!  I hope that not a day goes by that you don't know of my love for you.  You are such a blessing, sweet boy and I can't help but look forward to getting to know you even better!  Thank you for teaching me and loving me the way you do.  Oh, and for taking it easy on me as I learn how to be a mama.  This is my first time, remember!  


Happy Birthday Treagan O.  You're the best.  And I love you.   


Mama